BY KATE KNIPPER

EDITED BY RYAN BIGELOW

Life can be hard. Sometimes, we just need someone next to us to hold our hand, give us a hug, and tell us everything will be okay–or look at us through a screen and say the same things.  

Picture Scott and Camille. The couple met in high school and started dating their sophomore year. When graduation rolled around, they realized going to the same school was out of the question, but they wanted to stay together.

During a rough year of stressful classes, the thought of being together again for the summer kept them going. They had a weekly Skype call written in each of their calendars, called each other every night and texted throughout the day. When they reunited, they expected everything to fall into place perfectly, but it didn’t. Why?

Long-distance relationships are on the rise, especially among college-age individuals. The opportunities many are presented with are too good to pass up on, but their relationships are too good to let go of.

Many people tend to think relationships suffer as a result of distance. This is not necessarily the case; recent research unveils insights on long-distance relationships.

It found no significant difference in the quality of long-distance relationships and geographically-close relationships. In fact, some research suggests that long-distance relationships can be more intimate.

In an article by L. Crystal Jiang and Jeffrey Hancock published in the Journal of Communication, long-distance and geographically-close couples participated in a diary study to see if couples communicated differently.

Any type of interaction was added to the diary and measured on scales of length, type, self-disclosure, and intimacy. Self-disclosure is the personal information partners share about themselves which usually conduces intimacy.

Long-distance partners reported fewer daily interactions that lasted significantly longer and consequently had more intimacy, often fueled by an idealization of the partner.

There was more self-disclosure in long-distance relationships because people in long-distance relationships disclose information more intentionally. Even though Scott and Camille may only Skype once a week, it usually lasts hours.  

People in long-distance relationships generally want their relationships to become geographically close. This was proven in a 2005 study by Laura Stafford and her colleagues at Ohio State University who surveyed 335 undergraduate students to see how their relationships changed when they became geographically close.

97% of the participants reported making some sort of relational adjustment as a result of these changes. Some experienced more face-to-face time and activities with each other and healthy relational escalation. Others endured a loss of autonomy and intimacy, scheduling issues, and heightened conflict and jealousy.  

Stafford’s research also found that 85% of couples who transitioned from a long-distance relationship to a geographically-close relationship missed at least one aspect of the long-distance relationship, including closeness via distance, quality time, anticipation and novelty, autonomy and time management ease.

It may seem odd, but closeness via distance can be illustrated by the saying, “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Long-distance couples tend to communicate more because they cannot see each other in person on a regular basis.  

Quality time is a hallmark of long-distance relationships and geographically-close relationships, but the way that time is spent varies greatly and coincides with the idea of closeness via distance.

In long-distance relationships, there is much more planning involved in the time spent together. If it is a routine, the couple must plan calls and video chats. Travel plans must be made if the couple wants to rendezvous.

Because of the extra planning involved in the quality time, individuals in long-distance relationships are more likely to fully devote this time to their partner.

The ideas behind anticipation and novelty deal with the anticipation of a reunion. That longing for physical intimacy keeps long-distance relationships interesting and sustainable. Because Scott and Camille planned their reunion together, they are more excited to see one another.

In geographically-close relationships, partners have to find a balance between time spent as a couple and their independent desires and interests.

This is obviously much easier to manage in long-distance relationships. Partners do not often feel like their autonomy is being infringed on–Camille didn’t realize she would have to give up her yoga class to accommodate Scott’s work schedule!

Stafford’s study found that people in long-distance relationships tend to be unrealistically optimistic; couples wrongfully assumed their relationships would improve after they eliminated distance. In fact, couples who broke up more accurately forecasted the future of their relationships.

Research supports that long-distance relationships and geographically-close relationships hold the same value.

In order to keep any relationship healthy, partners must self-disclose healthfully. Scott and Camille’s transition would have been smoother if they had realistic expectations and understood the changes they would face!