BY TYLER DRAEHN

EDITED BY LAURA DURR

“Have you ever considered online dating?”

That is a question I have personally been asked when speaking of my own love problems. It’s that question that tells you your friends think you are utterly hopeless and that your only solution is to date online.

It cuts deep to the bone. What little faith you might have had in yourself is gone because clearly, even your friends doubt you.

Online dating, however, is not necessarily a bad option. While there are several negative stigmas to online dating, it can be promising.

Online dating is becoming quite a trend in the United States with apps like Tinder for your phone. With so many people picking up this idea and trying it out, you are bound to find someone who is compatible with you.

But to some people, it’s hard to go through the process of online dating. So, here’s a simple guide to take you from just starting to swipe to meeting a potential partner face-to-face for the first time.

 Who Is Online?

Everyone has their own reasons for online dating. Some people are just looking for a quick hook-up. Some are looking for a short-term relationship to find out what they desire in a future relationship. Some are looking for “the one.”

It’s important for you to know your own reasons why you swipe, but more so, it’s important to understand what contributes to others using online dating.

According to a study done by Tanya Kang and Lindsay Hoffman in Communication Research Reports, people who are more trusting of others are less likely to use an online dating site.

This is important because it implies that people who use online dating are inclined to be more cautious when interacting with others.

You should be aware of this and not get offended when someone questions you about who you are. In fact, you should expect it and be prepared to respond politely.

The researchers also found that men and women use online dating equally and that there are men and women of all sexualities. So, your options are plentiful.

Another important item to note is that Kang and Hoffman found that age and education do not play majors roles in whether or not someone will use online dating.

In other words, there are people of all ages online. If you are older and are looking for someone your own age, then you can find them!

More than that, you will not be assumed to be poorly educated or highly educated for using online dating. There is an even playing ground when it comes to these factors.

Building a Profile

So, now you know what kinds of people are online dating and hopefully that makes you feel better about yourself if you are also considering online dating.

But how do you find what you are looking for and how do you tell others what you want? It seems logical to be straight-forward but according to Jimmie Manning this might not always be the best option.

In his article published the in the Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, Manning found that there are certain social “rules” of online dating when it comes to communicating what one wants.

After examining several profiles and conducting interviews with the owners, he found that participants used a specific rhetoric that was understood by all in the network.

For example, when expressing what you are looking for on your profile, you may want to say the following: “I am looking for a person who makes enough money to take care of him—or—her self and is looking to get married one day and have 2.5 kids, a dog and a white picket fence.”

While all of this may be true for you and hundreds of others online, it can come off as strong or even arrogant.

It is important to be strategic in your rhetoric so you can communicate the same idea, but without saying those exact words. Manning’s research found that it is most acceptable to say something like this: “I am looking for someone special to spend my life with; someone who I can share my goals with.”

This kind of profile implies everything that the former said and is more or less culturally understood.

Do not forget to talk about yourself as well! Be sure to mention life experiences, interests, hobbies and even your personality.

To get the best results from online dating I would suggest to practice this specific type of rhetoric in such a way that people understand you and think well of you.

First Face-to-Face Meeting

Perhaps the hardest part of online dating is finding when it is appropriate to meet face-to-face.

But before meeting you should create a positive expectation for meeting face to face. This will create a feeling of comfort and reduce the awkwardness of meeting.

In their study also in the Journal Of Computer-Mediated Communication, Artemio Ramirez and colleagues found that there are several actions that ensure a better meeting.

They saw in their data that people who initiate contact and have many photos on their profile perceive messages as more intimate, having greater composure and being more informal or friendly.

These interpretations all increase the positive expectations about meeting and help the meeting lead to a second date.

One of the more significant findings in the study is about the timing of meeting.

Researchers found that the prime time to meet someone face-to-face is between two-and-a-half weeks and a little over three weeks.

Meeting before or after this time can be less successful. This is because when talking online you will build an image of who someone is based on their profile. However, this may not be accurate and meeting face-to-face can disappoint because of that.

It is easier for your mind to change its expectations of a person within that time frame and still be happy with the reality of who someone is. Keeping some of these rules in mind will help you find exactly what you are looking for online.

In Conclusion

After reading this far, I’m sure you have formed some new feelings regarding online dating. You see now what it is, who uses it, the best ways to communicate what you want and when to meet face-to-face.

Online dating is becoming more and more popular which is constantly increasing your chances of finding exactly what you are looking for.

I hope that now when someone asks you, “Have you tried online dating?” it doesn’t sting anymore, but gives you encouragement. Know this medium is just another channel you can open that will allow people to enter your life. People who might possibly just be who you’ve been looking for all your life.