By: Madison Stanley
It’s normal to be irritable sometimes. We all have our moments. However, do you find yourself constantly angry, unable to let go of even the smallest things? Do you feel like any tiny inconvenience may set you off? And is it hard to get over disagreements or things you or others may have done wrong?
If any or all of these questions resonate with you, you may be experiencing trait anger. Communication researchers define trait anger as the general disposition to have an elevated base level of anger at all times in response to a wide range of situations that may simply be annoying and frustrating to others. Those with high trait anger have a tendency to aggressively overreact to others in arguments and during stressful situations, which can be damaging to their personal relationships and to themselves. However, a recent survey distributed by Dr. Lindsey Aloia and her research associate Josh Pederson of the University of Arkansas found that there may be a reason for this, and that reason lies in one’s family history.
This 2021 study involving young adults found that those who grew up in verbally aggressive households are more likely to experience trait anger. And this makes sense. If you grew up around family members who constantly fought or yelled at you, it is probable that you carry this around with you in some way or another. In fact, years of psychological research conclude that our parents are one of the main examples we have to learn how to interact with others, and that their behavior deeply affects our own.
More important, perhaps, than the correlation between trait anger and family history is the correlation between trait anger and one’s ability to forgive. Aloia and Pederson found that having trait anger makes you less likely to forgive others, but also less likely to forgive yourself. On the other end of the spectrum, having empathetic concern rather than trait anger was linked to more forgiveness of others, but a surprisingly lack of forgiveness of oneself as well. Forgiveness is something that many of us deem a necessary part of living, whether it be forgiving a past flame for transgressions during a relationship or simply forgiving a sibling for what they said during a minor argument. Additionally, lacking this vital ability can lead to carrying around a lot of negative feelings that hinder one’s ability to be content in life.
The mixture of increased levels of anger and an inability to forgive can lead individuals down a toxic cycle of blowing up on those around them, causing them to feel negatively about themselves for doing so, but not being able to forgive themselves for this. This can lead to further self-deprecation, relational dissatisfaction, and even more anger because they just can’t move past the both internal and external harm they may have caused.
One of my generation’s self-proclaimed goals is to prevent the passing down of generational trauma down to our own children or into our relationships. In order to do this, it is important to recognize the source of our inability to reconcile with ourselves and with those around us, so that we can learn how to let go of that trauma. The good thing is that resources to help work towards having a better relationship with yourself and others are becoming more available, such as cheaper Telehealth services and free counseling offered at many colleges and universities.
As conversations around mental health become less stigmatized and more frequent, we must continue to look intrinsically at what makes us tick–and hopefully work to manage the feelings that make us tick, tick…BOOM.