By: Laney Deffendoll   

Finals came and went, then Christmas, then New Year’s. This probably meant parties and gatherings galore this holiday season, as in recent years, we were unable to spend these wonderful times with our cherished families. But amid spirits being raised and, for those who celebrate, gifts received, Omicron was active. Unfortunately, many people around the country, including some of Belmont’s own students, were hit with the virus following the festivities. I was one of these people. 

In all honesty, I had a lot of unbridled rage and sadness following the moment I received my results. There was a part of me that thought I would never get it. I had been so conscious and careful! I was double vaccinated and had an appointment set up for my booster a few days after I would have been returning to Nashville. When this part of me was let down, I was furious with myself. How could I have let this happen? I went two whole years dodging the virus, only to be defeated. I blamed ME for getting a virus I was already doing the necessary steps to fight. Sitting there, crying and angry, I realized I was definitely not the only person who felt this way. There was comfort in knowing that I was not alone. So hopefully this can bring comfort to anyone who may need to hear these words. 

Already in a slump from the move-in date being pushed back, getting COVID was the last thing my body could handle. The first day was the hardest. Unfortunately for me, my first day of symptoms was on the first day of classes. As soon as I woke up, I knew something was wrong. I felt as if I was swallowing razor blades and my body temperature was way off. In a panic, I scheduled a PCR test. I had heard many bad things about rapid tests and false negatives and wanted to ensure that I wasn’t going to get anyone sick. In quarantine, I sat and prayed that it wasn’t COVID. 

A few days passed and I was already worried enough that I had taken a test too early. Much to my dismay, all I could find in my area was a rapid test a few days later. So, I sucked it up and started to schedule one. As I was doing that, I received my PCR results. They came back inconclusive. At that moment, I was so angry. I was frustrated and confused. I felt disappointed in myself, yet again. I needed to be sure if I was positive or negative. The Rapid Test gave me the answer–  I was positive.

I wanted so badly to shut down. I was only a few days out from my 20th birthday, only to now have to spend it alone. I felt so selfish. So self-involved. I didn’t want to make this about me. I let myself be sad for a day, and then started putting in the effort to get myself better. Nevertheless, it was not easy to pull myself out of bed. So if you’re reading this and feel like you need more time to feel things, let yourself feel things. Everyone reacts differently. 

Research shows that this virus has taken a significant toll on people’s mental health.  A study from Kaiser Family Foundation Health found that, “about 4 in 10 adults in the U.S. have reported symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorder, a share that has been largely consistent, up from one in ten adults who reported these symptoms from January to June 2019.”

Given that I had a pretty awful virus, I am thankful that I got the time to improve my health and focus on myself. The time I spent in quarantine provided a lot of soul-searching and understanding my emotions, but also all of the Spider-Man movies and learning how to do calligraphy. But as I reflect on how happy I am to be returning to campus, I urge you to remember that we are all in this together. Please be conscious and careful, not only for yourself, but for others! 

Welcome back to the den, Bruins! We are so happy to have you home!