By: Amanda Wood

We’ve all heard it.

“Lying is wrong!”

“It’s always better to tell the truth!”

And yet, much to our parents’ dismay, the reality is that we all do it. Whether it’s a little white lie to our parents about having all our homework finished while we sit watching Netflix, or a lie to a friend in the outfit that just does not look right. While most are taught from a young age that lying is wrong, lying may not be as serious as our parents led us to believe, and in fact, may actually work in our favor at times.

It is no secret that lies can range in seriousness and in motive. Some will tell small lies to preserve the feelings of others, while others may tell more serious lies to avoid getting fired at work. But many remain unsure of where to draw the line where lying becomes acceptable.

Professors of Communication, Norah Dunbar and Howard Giles, along with several graduate students from the University of California, Santa Barbara, wanted to explore this idea of an acceptable lie. The researchers conducted an experiment with 259 undergraduate students to evaluate participants’ perception of the lies being told in the study. Specifically, they tested whether the participants thought it was “okay” to lie based on the situation and reason for the lie. The varying categories of lie were altruistic or self-serving, white or serious lies, and group-serving or self-serving lies.

Participants were assigned to read six vignettes—three containing interpersonal lies and three containing intergroup lies. For example, one interpersonal vignette contained a varied roommate scenario in which consequences of the lie varied from breaking roommate Amy’s property—either a laptop, corresponding to a serious lie, or a calculator, corresponding to a white lie. The other roommate Rosa then gave Amy money anonymously and lied about knowing where the money came from for one of two reasons—because she broke the property without Amy knowing, making it self-serving, or because she wanted to help Amy but was not involved, making it altruistic. Participants received one of the four variations from this story: white/altruistic; white/self-serving; serious/altruistic; serious/self-serving.

Respondents then answered questions asking the likelihood of them using a similar tactic in a real-life scenario, if the tactic was appropriate, and if the tactic was ethical. Researchers averaged the responses to find an “overall lie acceptability indicator.”

The researchers found that altruistic lies—told out of concern for the well-being of others—and white lies were in fact seen as more acceptable and less deceptive than self-serving and serious lies. The researchers also found that lies told to benefit a group, as opposed to an individual, were more acceptable; however, they concluded this result also likely depends on the seriousness and altruism of the lie.

Though it may be supported that some lies are more acceptable and less deceptive than others, this is not to say that these researchers would support blatant lies in every future encounter; it is still a delicate line to walk.

Acceptable or not, one common way many implement self-serving lies is through exaggerative storytelling, often used as a means of impression management.

When telling a story, it is natural to want to keep those listening entertained. Maybe the test was a little difficult, but it’s much more entertaining to say, “That test was the hardest thing I’ve ever taken in my entire life!” We embellish the details and overemphasize certain aspects of stories. Does it actually help though? And how might that affect the relationship we have with those whom we share the exaggerated story?

Psychology professor Holly Cole of Wesleyan College and her colleague wanted to find if stories with entertaining exaggerations of experiences—EEEs—were perceived of higher quality than those without. The researchers also wanted to see how the telling of such stories would impact the relational closeness felt by listeners.

The researchers conducted three separate experiments with over 500 undergraduate students. The methods included first reading stories that were truthful, exaggerated, or lies, with only select participants knowing the facts of the story; other participants watched a video and acted as the exaggerative or truthful storytellers; and other participants watched a confederate retelling a truthful story versus the confederate telling a story with clear exaggerations. After completing the relative activity assigned, participants were given a questionnaire which included a quality of story scale.

The researchers found that participants generally enjoyed the tall tales more than the truthful stories, and the participants also felt higher relational closeness to the exaggerating storytellers, despite knowing the facts of the story. Thus, exaggerating was actually beneficial to the storytellers and their relationship with the listeners.

Though you may have grown up hearing that lying is wrong and the truth is always better no matter what, the reality is that everyone lies, whether small or big, for the protection of oneself or others. Lying is not as serious as children may be led to believe; some lies are, in fact, better—or at least more acceptable—than others, if told for the right reasons. Some lies are used to simply stretch the truth a bit and to entertain, which actually can strength the closeness of a relationship.

This is not to say we should teach children that lying is okay, but we may be exaggerating somewhat if we say it is always better to tell the truth.