A natural part of our human experience is conflict. We see the world in different ways and have a wide range of desires and needs we are trying to get met. With all of that being true, how could we not find ourselves in conflict with others from time to time? Conflict is merely a reality of living in community with others. With that being said, conflict is not actually the problem, but rather a symptom of miscommunication, unmatched expectations, and disappointment. If we allow for the presence of conflict in our lives to serve as a wakeup call, it will alert us to the need to communicate with others for resolution.

Having worked in Residence Life for the past eight years, I’ve spent countless hours teaching student leaders how to pursue resolution through facilitating roommate mediations. Although we may be experiencing conflict with a classmate or a co-worker rather than a roommate, I think many of the principles for resolution remain the same. Here are some observations about conflict that I’ve had along the way:

Observation #1: Much of conflict is created from and fueled by a lack of face-to-face communication. Your intention can get completely lost in translation when you are texting the person you’re experiencing tension with rather than speaking to them face-to-face. Speaking with the other in person is essential for resolving a conflict.

Observation #2: Conflict often stems from a lack of stated expectations at the beginning of and throughout the relationship. Each of us have vastly different assumptions about how “things” should be and what’s expected in relationship. Expectations need to be stated and agreed upon. They should never be assumed.

Observation #3: The resolution of conflict requires a conversation where both parties listen as much as they speak. Our culture has grown accustom to talking “at” people rather than “with” people, which is unhelpful in resolving conflict.

Observation #4: Conflict is best approached with a humble posture and a willingness to consider what you personally have contributed to creating the tension that’s present. If we engage with others with a defensive disposition and an intention of “winning” the conflict, you will lose the ability to mutually resolve the concern.

Observation #5: Conflict is best approached with a compassionate disposition and a desire to consider the other person past the surface of how you’re experiencing them. Be curious about why they do the things they that they do, and be gracious with them.

Although some personalities are more willing to engage in conflict than others, conflict is still never easy. The more you can challenge yourself to engage in healthy conversations now, though, the better equipped you’ll be in the future when the relationships on-the-line cost more to lose if you don’t have the skillset to resolve the concern. My hope is that you will be brave enough to engage others and compassionate in your pursuit of a resolution.

Abbi Rodriguez, Assistant Director of Residence Life

 

The denomination that I have been a part of hasn’t generally observed the season of Lent, it’s always been something that “other people” do.  But, in the last few years, many pastors and congregations have found it to be a helpful season for their spiritual formation.  Because of our general unfamiliarity with it, our Sunday School class decided to do an in-depth study of the history of Lent, its purpose, and its practices a few years ago.  In the course of the study, we learned a lot of good and interesting things:

• The season of Lent is one of the most ancient traditions of the church. The earliest Christians used this time to prepare new converts for baptism on Easter Sunday.  These new converts would learn the traditions and practices of the faith as they prepared to enter into their new community.
• The 40 days of Lent (from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday, excluding Sundays), come from a number of significant events in the Bible: Noah survived the rainstorm that lasted 40 days and 40 nights, Moses on Mt. Sinai for 40 days, the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, Job on the ash heap for 40 days, and Jesus tempted in the wilderness for 40 days. All of these significant times included the number 40.
• The season of Lent has been seen as a penitential season – a season where Christians are invited to reflect on their own faith and practice, to confess the ways that they have fallen short of the call of discipleship, and to open their lives to the transforming work of the spirit.

One man in the class said, “Aren’t we supposed to be focusing on these things all of the time?  Why would we need a special season for that?” Of course, he is right – however most people don’t do a great job of keeping our focus on our relationship with God all of the time.  And, so the season of Lent gives us the opportunity to hit the reset button – to acknowledge that we fall short of all that we are called to be and do and invite God to be at work in our lives.

Every Ash Wednesday, specific texts are read that speak to us about what the season of Lent is all about.  These texts (Joel 2:1-2, 12-17, Isaiah 58:1-12, Matthew 6:1-6, 16-21, Psalm 51) call us to this kind of self-examination and change.  They call us to something different – to new ways of life that keeps our focus where it should be, on God.  This new focus gives the most abundant kind of life, not only for us – but for those around us that we are called to love and to serve.

These texts also remind us that our practices during this season are not to show those around us what great Christians and faithful people we are.  But instead, the focus and practices of this season put us in a place of intentionality where God can be at work in us – forming us more fully into Christlikeness.  During this season of Lent, I invite you into this kind life – opening all of who you are up to the work of the Holy Spirit in your life so that you may more faithfully love God and neighbor.

 

Heather Daugherty, University Minister

We all experience loneliness in our lives. Loneliness that happens when we move, a relationship ends, or when we miss home is a normal part of life we often don’t have control over.

However, there is a second kind of loneliness.  This form is often more difficult and happens when we feel a deep seeded sense something is wrong with us, we don’t fit, and feel hopeless in the ability to create real connection.  No circumstance causes this, it is more a place we find ourselves in.  Even if we did connect, we feel that quickly people would see through us and find beneath the surface a person not worth knowing.

This loneliness tells us it is easier to stay home and isolate, than to connect.  It leaves us feeling like every call/invite we receive is not a genuine invite or comes from a place of others feeling bad for us or obligated to invite us.  Why would others want me around or care how I am doing?

Loneliness leaves us feeling like friends can and will leave at any moment.  If failure is inevitable, we feel hopeless in even trying…we quit seeking connection before we even give it a shot.

Failing by not trying is easier than failing when we put in effort and are left rejected.  Fear of rejection may be the single biggest driver of loneliness.  We fear, so we try to protect ourselves. An easy way to do that is to isolate.  We can’t get hurt when we isolate.

I liken this form of loneliness to the term shame.  Shame defined is a deep sense internally that there is something wrong with us.

I often think some of the books of the Bible that many religious groups share from the Old Testament are sadly used to perpetuate feelings of aloneness, abandonment, fear, and shame.

Fear based theology often communicates a story like this…

Adam and Eve live in a perfect garden, they eat from a tree they aren’t supposed to (sin), and God is holy so he separates from them and is angry (them = humanity).

This narrative often perpetuates a feeling of brokenness, shame, and the feeling that we have been abandoned and will be again…even by God, the one who created us.  This is a dangerous and harmful narrative that often pushes people further into loneliness, despair, and isolation from God and others.

A healthy reading of those scriptures go like this…

The garden scene starts the same and Adam and Eve are described as “naked and not ashamed” (interesting word selection). They eat from the tree they were told not to. Right after, God is walking through the garden in the coolness of day, searching for them (not separating) but they are hiding. God asks about the hiding. Adam responds “I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid” (Enter shame and context for earlier words choice). God, heartbroken in hearing this compassionately asks “Who told you this?”

God proceeds to go through the entire Old Testament with these people saying things like: “You are fearfully and wonderfully made, knit together in your mother’s womb”, “you are created in the image of God”. In the New Testament we see Jesus engaging with the adulterous woman, Zacchaeus, the woman at the well and telling stories like the prodigal son.

These stories and scriptures don’t tell of an angry God. Rather, they tell of one who deeply desires connection with us no matter how unlovable we feel. They tell us a story of a God who desires us to be connected to others.

Resist the narrative that there is something wrong with you at your core or that you are broken.

You are worth being known now, as you are.

The most common phrase in all of scripture is “Do NOT be afraid”.  Come out of hiding and isolation and let yourself be known and found by others.

We need YOU to make Belmont beautiful, whole, and complete. Not just parts of you, all of you. The great parts, the hard parts, and the in-progress parts.

 

Dave Jaeger, Counseling Services Therapist

I have a star tattooed over my heart.

I never thought that I would actually get a tattoo. I always wanted one, but it felt like a big commitment. Tattoos are forever and I had never thought about life in terms of forever. I told my friends in high school that it would be okay if our friendships didn’t make it past college. The truth was, I was scared. I had spent my life believing that regardless of how good things were, they would eventually burn out and leave embers; glowing wood in a dying fire. I did not want dying relationships.

When I moved 900 odd miles away from the place I had called home, I gave all my energy into finding replacements for the people who had once held my heart. I bounced from group to group, finding a few good people along the way, but never really settling. As the end of the year approached, I felt lost and deeply alone. Then, I found myself on a spontaneous, middle of the night, mid-school week, road trip.

We drove for awhile and then came to a halt in a field. I was terribly confused and my friend told me to get out of the car and look up. What I never told my friend, is that my dad and I used to look up at the stars. He used to always tell me that if I ever got lost, I could follow the Big Dipper home. So, there I was, feeling terribly lost and there were the stars reminding me that I knew the way home.

It was then that I realized that I was never lost. I was the North Star and all the people who had held my heart so carefully over the years made up the rest of the constellation that I call home.

I lost so much time, bouncing from group to group, and in the process, I forgot about all the things that I loved. I had forgotten who I was. When I finally began doing things that reminded me of who I wanted to be, I found my community. I changed my major because my heart wasn’t in it, and suddenly I was surrounded by friends. I applied to be an R.A. and I met the people I had been waiting for. I will admit, over the years I have found myself feeling lost and alone again and again. Luckily, now, I have a star tattooed on my heart to remind me.

I have found that in order to build a beloved community, you must bring your whole self. In allowing fear to rule my actions, I failed to pause and recognize that although college is in many ways terrifying, I had been preparing for this journey for 18 years. Somehow, in the mess of trying to be who we are called to be, the people surrounding us become more visible. These are the people that the Lord has provided us with.

Ellie Sanford, Senior, Social Entrepreneurship Major

 

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One of the ‘firsts’ that students experience when coming to college is picking a church community they can be part of. For most, if they grew up in church they attended the one their family did.

So how do you go about finding a community that can help you grow and that you can use your gifts?

First, think about what you consider important: music and preaching style (although I would caution you not to make this the sole decision maker), size of the community, small group opportunities, missions and outreach opportunities. Are you hoping to find a community within the tradition you grew up in or are you hoping to explore some others?

Second, visit a church more than once to get a better picture of the community. It’s difficult to determine if a church community is for you after a couple of hours. Do some research online. Ask questions from others who attend.  Make sure you understand what a community is about before making your decision.

Next, find your community first…then use your gifts.  Many students choose a church because they have the opportunity to lead worship or teach a Bible study and later find the community is not the best fit theologically. Gt connected and then look for opportunities to serve. College students have a lot to offer their church communities!

Finally, be persistent. There is a chance you won’t find your new church home in a month. Let me encourage you to keep looking. It’s easy to get discourage and just give up.  But finding a church requires your engagement in the process. Keep at it until you find it!

If you are looking for a church and need a place to start, check out www. belmont.edu/university-ministries/churches for a list of local congregations or stop by University Ministries and let us help you!

Christy Ridings, Associate University Minister and Director of Spiritual Formation

Photo by Ronni Kurtz on Unsplash

 

If you had asked me in college, “What’s the relationship between nutrition and Jesus?” I wouldn’t have had a good answer for you. However, God has brought me through a lot over the past 10 years and I have found that nutrition and God go hand-in-hand. You may think

I’m going to take the traditional approach – food nourishes our body which is God’s temple, so eat well and take care of it. This idea is very true, however, I want to shift our focus to fad diets and how they provide imagery for our relationship with Christ. Fad diets tend to mirror the fast-paced, performance-based world we live in today. We want others to see our efforts and it should look good on the outside. We want to remain in control without truly changing our lifestyle or our habits. Think of a fad diet, like low carb for example.

What words or thoughts come to mind? Limiting, eliminate, quick-fix, restrictive, rules, yes/no foods, isolating, short-term. So, how could this be related to Jesus?

Philippians 4 reminds us to not be anxious about anything but in everything through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present our requests to God. And then, the peace of God will guard our hearts in Christ Jesus. Finally (I’m paraphrasing), we are called to fill ourselves with truth.

What are you filling yourself with? Are you treating God like a fad-diet? Are you filling yourself with the expectations of this world or are you filling yourself with God’s truth and His word? Stop filling yourself with lies from the enemy. You are enough, just as you are, because Jesus paid it all for you.

God is calling us to something more than a fad diet. He is calling us to a deep, nourishing relationship with him. It is not an easy, quick-fix, instead it is choosing to pick up our cross and follow Him. It is not surface level but a deep relationship. It is not limiting but life giving. It is not rule following, it is Christ in us which allows us to be who He created us to be. It is not short-term, instead our eyes are on eternity.

Our relationship with Jesus should resemble well-rounded nutrition. It takes filling ourselves with the true word like fruits and vegetables to nourish us when we are well and when we are sick. It takes God’s forgiveness when we fall or go off-track, because he loves us anyway – even if we had pizza for the third night in a row. It takes time, commitment and planning to form a deep relationship that is unshakable. Good food is most enjoyed and most fulfilling when done in community, and Jesus invites us to do the same. Full satisfaction comes into focus if we see Jesus as our bread of life and not just another fad diet.

Today, I’m writing to you. I have prayed for you and over you as I have written this devo and I pray that something in these words rings true for you and you can delve deeper into your relationship with God, building and solidifying your firm foundation in Christ. Remember who you are! You are a child of God. Know that you are created in God’s image, fearfully and wonderfully made for a purpose. We all have a story to tell. So, grab some friends and a Bible, break bread, and “dig-in”. The bread of life is more satisfying than any cheap meal you can imagine.

 

Kara Miller, Campus Dietitian

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As you prepare for Christmas Break, you may have visions of quality family time, catching up with High School friends, Netflix binging and eating all your favorite foods.  Unfortunately, the reality of our breaks does not always match up with our expectations.  So, we want to give you some tips for making the most of your Christmas break (or any extended break, really).

You are not alone – Sometimes we feel like we are the only one whose Christmas break isn’t everything they hoped it would be.  Going home isn’t great for a lot of people for all kinds of reasons.  Don’t feel bad or be surprised if your going home experience isn’t 100% positive.

Get an “Elevator Speech” – For those who haven’t taken Speech class or aren’t Marketing majors, an Elevator Speech is a brief speech that gets across your main ideas in the time it would take to ride an elevator with someone – generally 20-60 seconds.  Everyone and their grandma (yours, too!) is going to ask you how college is going – have something to say!  Some people will want the 30-second version  and some (probably your grandma and Great Aunt Sally) could talk all day. Think about how you can sum up your experience in 30 seconds – “It was tough at first, but it ended up going really well” – and how you can talk for a couple of minutes.  What were your favorite classes, how did you like living on campus, how do you feel about Nashville.  And, don’t feel like you need to tell EVERYTHING about your experience and how you have changed – those are your stories to choose with whom and when to share.

Live into the person you are now, don’t revert to your high school self – When you go home, it will be so easy to fall back into the habits of high school you.  Don’t do it – it’s a trap!!  Instead, do your own laundry, or if your mom insists on doing it bring it the laundry room.   Clean up after yourself – don’t leave your dirty dishes on the counter waiting for someone else to load them into the dishwasher or leave your things scattered throughout the house and pick up your bedroom!  Also, we know that you haven’t had a curfew in college, but don’t stay out until all hours of the night when you get home.  Have a conversation with your parents early on break to find out their expectations and set some ground rules.  Not acting like your high school self will be a reminder to your parents that you are not a kid anymore and they don’t need to treat you that way.

Try to find some routine – It may sound awesome to have a month of unstructured time sleeping as much as you want, binging Disney+ and eating your favorite foods.  But, after a week of that it may get a bit old.  Think about a routine you might want to set for yourself – waking up by a certain time, getting out of the house, spending time with friends, eating the occasional healthy meal.  It may seem strange, but you’ll thank yourself by the end of break.

Things change… and that’s okay – Believe it or not your family has a life without you.  They have new routines, new ways of relating to each other and to you.  Do not be alarmed!  They still love you, but you may need to figure out how to be together.  Not only will your family have changed,

but your friends have changed, too.  It’s a natural part of growing up and going to college.  But remember that just because you’ve changed doesn’t mean you can’t be friends or won’t still have a great time together.

And in case you didn’t know it, you’ve changed, too.  You have had new experiences, you’ve learned new things, you might even think and believe differently than you did when you left for college.  It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or with them – change happens.

Don’t fall into the comparison trap – It will be so easy to compare your college experience with your friends’ experiences and feel like yours isn’t good enough.  Feeling like this can make you wonder if you made the wrong decision coming to Belmont or that you’re doing something wrong.  Different colleges give students different experience.  Instead of wondering what you’ve done wrong, make a list of all the things you have loved about your Belmont experience and give thanks that you’ve survived another semester of college!

 

Heather Daugherty, University Minister

 

Photo by Charles 🇵🇭 on Unsplash

Photo by Eugene Zhyvchik on Unsplash

Growing up I went to church but it wasn’t something that was really present and important in my family. I didn’t know what it meant to be a Christian. I didn’t know what it meant to go to Bible study every Sunday morning or Wednesdays. I was a praise dancer but I didn’t understand my purpose for it growing up. I also knew that there was God and that he was always there for me, but that’s it.

When I got to Belmont and I took my first religion course that’s when it hit me. I felt disconnected during conversations with my classmates. They were able to have full conversation about people in the Bible and I had no clue who they were. I didn’t know much about other religions and what that looked like for other people so, I got invested. I found a church and began to read the bible more. I had conversations with friends about my journey and asked for advice and what I have learned is that my path to finding my faith is not the same as anyone else’s.

There are many supportive people on campus that I know I can talk to if I am struggling with something or just need a little more understanding. Here at Belmont, no one treats you differently if you do not believe in what they believe in. If anything, they love that you are who you are. I love hearing from different point of views when it comes to religion. I have learned so much about myself and my friends. I have learned that is okay to ask questions when you are curious, but not when you know you are going to disagree and be rude. The diversity among religions on campus is exciting. Belmont has given me the opportunity to lead mission trips and I have taken those opportunities to explore my faith a little more. I know part of my purpose in this world has everything to do with helping people and I will continue to explore that and do His work. I am still strengthening my faith and relationship with God because that will forever be an ongoing thing.

Tayviana Scott, Senior, Social Work Major

I remember coming home for a break during college and feeling frustrated about my apparent lack of calling. In moments I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but deep down I was a little less certain than I let on. Slowly that uncertainty rose to the surface and came to a head during my senior year when I realized I didn’t know what I wanted to do after graduation.

At the time I thought that a calling was a specific career that God had laid out for me and it was my job to discover that career path. Through conversations over the years, including many with Belmont students, I’ve learned that I was not alone in my understanding of calling or the anxiety that accompanied my uncertainty. What if I miss my calling? What if I pick the wrong career? How do I even know what my calling is?

I have learned a few things from those with far more experience and wisdom than myself that broadened my understanding of calling and has brought much freedom in my life. I hope it can prompt freedom in yours as well.

Calling is broad: As followers of Jesus we know our broad call – to love God and love others and to live in a way that reflects the love, justice, beauty and grace of God in all that we do. God invites us into loving relationship and calls us to participate in the healing of the broken world. This will look different for each of us, but all of us are called to live in such a way that reflects Christ’s redemptive love in the world around us.

Calling is more about who we are than what we do: As we read the teachings of Jesus, we find that God is far more concerned about the person we become than what we do. What we do matters, but as Jesus teaches, what we do flows naturally out of the person we are. Loving God and loving neighbor starts with transformation of the heart.

Calling is more than a career: Certainly God calls us to love our neighbor through our career, but God’s calling also transcends all areas of our lives. Regardless of what work looks like, we are called to use our gifts and be present in a way that makes space for God’s redemptive love in our work, relationships, communities, families, church, school, and every other area of our lives.

Calling is here and now: Often we think our calling is supposed to be extraordinary, when it may in fact be as simple as giving someone your full attention in a conversation. No matter how life unfolds for you, all you have is today, and God calls each of us to be present to the day and love those around us as best as we can. Your calling doesn’t start once you graduate, you are living in your calling now.

Our calling doesn’t have to be as complicated as we make it. In fact, all it requires is taking one step at a time on the path that already lies before us. As you contemplate what it looks like to live out God’s calling in your life consider these questions:

• What is an area of your life God might be calling you to grow in? What practical steps do you need to take to grow in this area of your life?
• What gifts do you have? How might you use those gifts to bless, love, and serve those in your life today?
• Who in your life needs a little extra love? How can you demonstrate Christ’s love to them today?

Josh TenHaken-Riedel, Assistant Director of Spiritual Formation

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This is your time to shine! Perhaps you have spent months or even years waiting for the moment where you would open the door and come face to face with your fresh start: complete with the finely crafted version of the person you want to be.   With your first step outside, you may have even inhaled the warm aroma of making decisions, exquisitely mixed with hints of nervousness weaving its way through you.  Whether this is your first year at Belmont or perhaps you are taking a 5^th or 6^th journey around the Lawn, it’s my hope that within this blog, you find nuggets of wisdom that you didn’t even know you needed!

As you are walking through your own journey, you will no doubt have moments where you need to sit down and set a vision for yourself.  Sometimes we have to inspire ourselves to be great!   Its official, we are already halfway through the fall semester and hopefully you are starting to find your rhythm.  What is one thing you want to have accomplished by the end of this week, month, or even year?  It is so critical that we set tangible goals for ourselves.  Maybe for you, it’s taking the time in the midst of your many tasks and assignments, to prioritize self-care. That could look like going to the gym, watching a movie, painting, singing a song – though if you are like me, it wouldn’t quite be a “joyful noise” (we all have our strengths).  You could happen to meet a life-long friend, or at least someone who has similar interests.

As you navigate your time at Belmont, you will need sources of support to walk with you in times of struggle, to join with you in your joy and to celebrate your successes.  Too often we are running around, unstoppable.  But have you taken the time to stop and take count of all that is around you.  You never know who you may have passed by in the midst of the busyness.  Take time to invest in the moment.   Perhaps your newest best friend – also known as your roommate – is just waiting for you to make the first step, ask a question, listen, and most importantly show them that you care.  Not many people love a Casper – ya know, the friendly ghost!  With so many opportunities to get connected to a larger community here, there are organizations and groups on campus that are waiting just for YOU!

Erica Njoku, Assistant Director of Student Engagement