by The Belmont Bateman Team

These days, the world seems more polarized than ever. It’s hard to say anything without angering someone. Heated conversations exist around every corner, and most people are walking on eggshells trying not to prompt a debate from the opposing team. Sometimes, trying to avoid those conversations  carries over into your home life. It has become even more common that children attempt to break the mold of their parents’ more traditional values. This dynamic can create a great amount of tension between you and your loved ones – making an environment awkward and, sometimes even, hostile.

This is a dilemma we encounter every Thanksgiving. The classic overly, dramatic argument with your uncle or grandma when you’re supposed to be giving thanks. Professionals refer to this type of disagreement as “false-consensus bias” or believing that everyone thinks the same way as us. When confronted with an opposing belief, it’s hard for our brains to comprehend that these family members would not automatically take our side. Their agreement seems so obvious to us. It’s so common that each year around the holidays there now exists a social media trend revolving around users joking about their intent to purposely “ruin” dinner. However, studies show that this abrasive methodology is not the recipe for success. Rather, being more open-minded to what others think and believe results in others being more likely to listen to your main topic points.

So next time you encounter an awkward or controversial topic at dinner, try these tips:

1. Appreciate the Value of Opposing Views

Acknowledge that individual differences can expand our worldview. This appreciation can help us better understand why things happen a certain way and how people react and operate in different situations. Having a diverse perspective also can help you grow as a person and it can even help strengthen your argument.

2. Remain Calm

Recognize that not everyone is well-versed in the practice of civil discourse. It’s important to understand that some individuals might become angry or even hostile during exchanges of ideas. They may not know how to have civil conversations involving differing views. One way to teach them how to better exchange thoughts is by keeping your cool. Don’t stoop to their level.

3. It’s Not Personal

Don’t attack the person. Don’t make the other individual feel inferior because his or her opinion is different than yours. Only rebuttals surrounding key points on a given topic should be expressed. There is no need for personal attacks. It will only make the other more angry and more defensive.

4. Don’t Just Hear Them…Listen to Them

Have an open mind. This requires you to make a concerted effort to understand the other’s point of view. Also, don’t plot what you’re going to say next. Rather, take time to listen to shared opposing views. The individual could be making some insightful points.

5. Find Your Middle Ground

Take time to find a middle ground. This adds respect to the conversation. Something as simple as stating that both parties just want everyone to be happy allows all involved to be seen as equals.

6. Don’t Assume

Seek to understand why the other person believes what he or she believes. Don’t just assume you know why that individual has taken that particular stance.

7. You Can Say ‘No’

Understand that civil discourse is difficult. Sometimes the other person can offend you or make you angry even while practicing these given tips. It’s okay to walk away peacefully. It doesn’t mean that anyone has “won.” It just indicates that you need some space to calm down so that the conversation, if had again, can be more calm and more constructive.

8. Remember Why You Love Each Other

Don’t ruin your valuable relationship over an opinion. At the end of the day, that’s all this is – your opinion. Be open with the other person, and, when the conversation is done, go do something together. Don’t leave on a tense-filled note that could make someone simmer in his or her thoughts. Instead, verbalize that you love each other despite your differences. That’s all that truly matters.

For more information on the importance of civility, please visit our website to learn more about our campaign.

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